30 Second Theatrical Event

I hate commercials.

I record TV.  I do not watch commercials, except for the Super Bowl.  I almost never watch live TV, even the Super Bowl.  If I find something new I want to watch I'll set it to record and go find something else to do.  Piddle in the garage or kitchen; play with the dogs; anything but watch commercials.

I don't think I am abnormal in this passion.  Consequently, advertisers have a challenge, make a 30 second 'show' that catches your attention before you fast forward the show or has something visually catching that makes you stop, rewind and watch the commercial.  I appreciate the effort.  After all, my TV time is all about being entertained and if the Madison Ave folks can do this in a commercial, so be it.  I am entertained.

I have seen a local automobile dealership has taken the approach that you can't fast-forward immediately when a show breaks and rarely do you stop on the instant a show comes back on.  In other words, even I end up seeing the first 3-5 seconds of the first commercial and last 3-10 seconds of the last commercial.  This dealership has a ≈15 second commercial campaign that is the first and last commercial in a break. I end up seeing both… I do not remember the dealerships name so, fail.  But good effort, I do appreciate the creative and new approach.

My dislike for commercials extends to music.  I pay for XM and have hours of MP3s that I listen to regularly. I even dislike the XM DJs touting their other shows on other XM stations.  I mean, I paid for music.  Quit. Talking. XM and Pandora keep me informed as to new music.  If I only listed to my MP3s, I'd never hear the new stuff, right.  So some commercials get to me.

Again, in appreciation of the challenge advertisers have for getting my attention, one has my attention.  The 2015 US Open.  Listening to Pandora, the commercial has no words, just sounds.  There is a video.  And a 5 second snippet of 'We're An American Band' by Grand Funk.  I was so intrigued that I had to click rapidly over to the Pandora window next time so I could watch it.  I've watched it a few times now.

I remember the advertiser.  I am talking about the commercial.  I BLOGGED about the commercial. Success. 

I have been entertained.

So, wow.  It’s been a long, long time.

This morning, on my way to work… a truck cut across 3 lanes in front of me. I swerved hard to miss him.  It is amazing how much goes through your head when something like that happens. I knew I was going to die…

Keep in mind all of this happened in less than 2-3 seconds.  I was in the far right lane going right to left in the picture.  I have a small car and the road in that area has a slight upgrade to it.  I saw the top of the delivery truck coming in the left most oncoming lane and it seemed oddly fast in its approach.  Traffic for the light up to the left off the picture was backed up past the drive way entrance on the lower right.  Like I said I was in the far right lane, no traffic, headed for the second entrance to go to the Sheetz gas station on the corner.  I could see that the truck was not slowing.  I glanced at the traffic sitting still and notice that everyone had left an opening for left turning traffic.  For this massively large (compared to my little car) truck to turn… in front of me. What were they thinking, why isn’t he stopping… he’s not stopping.  Oh shit, I’m fucked! I’m guessing I was doing 40.  I saw the truck make the turn without slowing.  I jumped on the brakes. There was a pickup coming out of the parking lot. I’m dead… this is it, I’m going to die.  I swerved right-left-right and missed everyone. 

[Dramatic pause for effect]

I was down to 20 mph.  I looked back in the rearview mirror, after the longest 3 seconds of my life, before I entered the parking lot.  The delivery truck had stopped.  Its front tire was in the right wheel portion of what was my lane, his bumper was over the right edge of the lane. 

I thought my heart was going to explode.  Even now, as I type this, some 5 hours later, I can feel my heart starting to race.

In my mind’s eye, I saw the delivery truck hit me at the rear axle, spin me around into the curb maybe missing the stopped pick-up.  I saw me flip upside down at the curb and land in the ditch.  The whole thing seemed like a slow motion re-play.  I had that series of thoughts and the whole thing was over. I was through it.  I turned into the second driveway and parked at the gas station for about 20 minutes.  I was shaking, my heart was pounding.  I felt like my brain was rattling. Oddly enough not fast.  I measured it on my phone app and it recorded 79 bpm. They were like heart explosions, it wasn’t racing, it was exploding.  I could feel my heart pounding in my finger tips.

His bumper was over the right edge of MY lane.  I doubt I swerved that much. It took him some time to see me, react and stop but OMG! I swear it was inches. I was inches from ending.

Be prepared, know your car - How does it react in high speed swerve situations?  Under steer? Over steer? Does the ass-end break loose? If so, what do you do now? how do you react?

Situational awareness - see the things around you. I should have known the potential for that ‘gap-in-traffic someone-coming-through shenanigans’ was high given the traffic in the area. I probably should have slowed down.

Right now, at work, 5+ hours later, I’m not worth a shit.  I can’t concentrate. I can’t stop thinking about those events. Hopefully writing this will let me release it.  I’m guessing this is 1% of Iraq/Afghanistan vets PTSD. Ya’ll have my sympathy.  This sucks!

Random thought while traveling

I had dinner at Kenny's in Dallas last night. Hickory smoked Makers Mark is exceptionally good. The house special drink is a smoked Makers Old Fashion. I love Old Fashions.  Highly recommend both.

30,000 foot sun sets are always awesome.  i took a couple pictures of one heading west from Dallas. (picture pending) Not to get to techie on you but it is full spectrum plus red shift from the atmosphere, almost a rainbow.

Planes should not have leather seats... or is it just me? Maybe, I'm a sweater (not the knitted kind, hahaha). If I walk 100 yds in 76 degree weather, I'll be dripping wet. I don't put a coat on until it gets below 20 degrees and then only if I'm going to be out in it for a bit.
Leather seats... within 20, minutes on a plane my ass is sweating. And my back. Itchy. Hot. Very uncomfortable. If they insist on leather seats they should cool them.
It is, after all, all about me. LOL!

Whiskey Wish List

While in Philly last sprin (May '13) Paul and i had some unique whiskeys a rye and some scotch.  these were all great.  if you wan to try something new, pick one of these.

One glass of XXX Shine and one of JB Devils Cut. If they only had cigars... — with Paul Scheidt at Time Restaurant And Whiskey Bar, Philadelphia Pa.
And now... Eagle Rare
Now... Thomas H . Handy Straight Rye Whiskey
And now... Black Maple Hill in an Old Fashion
And now... Laphroaig - islay single malt scotch whiskey. Triple wood.
And now... High West Whiskey, American Prairie Reserve
And now... Smooth Ambler Old Scout - 6 year

Hacked

I hate when that happens.
I think i have control again...

Just Push a Button

I've been traveling a lot for my employer. That equates to spending way more hours on a plane than I ever would have imagined. Watching my fellow humans is entertaining and disheartening.

Why is it that on a plane somewhere between 5 and 10% will press the call button rather than the light button? Is it really that confusing? There are 3 seats, 3 buttons and 3 lights. Usually at the ends of those are two more buttons and 2 more lights. Is it not logical that the set of 3 will turn a reading light on?

Oh and the 3 buttons have little light bulbs with rays emitting out and the 2 buttons have a person holding a cup.

Sigh. I guess it really doesn't bother me, it's sadly humorous.

STOP Crying Wolf

Warning lights, I'm just tired of them.

What law says trash trucks have to have blinking lights all over the fucking place. All. The. Time?
Upper and lower turn signals, front and rear. PLUS a strobing xenon light in the middle. When stopping, especially on busy roads, I get it. Ok. Turn on all your flashy things. But why the fuck on a four lane highway at 60 mph do you need to? huh? Tell me.

Then there is school buses.  Around here they all have a bright white strobe on the roof. WTF?  I mean, first of all, they're huge and fucking yellow. When they slow down there are very bright yellow lights, that flash and when they stop... then there are those red flashing lights AND a stop sign. Who wrote the law or decided that the a blinking white light on the roof would be the thing that makes them safe??

Fire trucks - sigh. I have a lot of respect for these guys. And I do realize they are only following ordered or policy. See, around here they wash there little red fire trucks every day in the summer.  Part of that apparently is doing a flashy light inspection.  So, 3 of the stations that I drive by everyday pull their trucks out of the garage, right up to the edge of the street. We're talking over the side walk.  And inspect the lights.  That means they are all on and flashing... I stopped... got honked at from behind AND the fire truck driver waved me on... I'm still dumbfounded over this. Doesn't this train people not to stop when they see flashing fire truck lights?

I might need to take up drinking.

Peeves

Is it really that hard?

I know nobody that needs to read this is going to see it but here it goes anyway.

Turn signals - signal your intention. They don't mean 'hey here I come get out of the way' or 'oh shit I almost missed my turn, here I come' across 2...3... sometimes 4 lanes of traffic. Additionally, slowing down in traffic before rotating your steering wheel is exactly WHEN you SHOULD use your damn turn signal.

High beams - they help you see at night. Turn them off if another driver is approaching you AND if you are approaching another car from behind.

Head lights - not just to help you see but also to help you be seen. Driving your ghost silver Beemer or Mercedes in the fog or rain without them simply shows, YOU. ARE. AN. ASS!! If, for some reason, you think driving without your head light makes you cool.... you are an ASS with a horse dong stuck in it.

Keep left. EXCEPT to pass - I know. It is a VERY complicated concept. Let me put it in simple logic for you.
You're driving. Look to your right. Is there a lane of travel there?
No, stay where you are.
Yes, is there another vehicle there?
No, move the fuck over.
Yes, stay where you are.
You should run thru this logic about every 10 seconds until it becomes second nature.

Highway entrance ramps - you know that OHMYGOD I'MGOINGTOGETRUNOVER feeling you get...? Well, it's true, assmunch. Speed the fuck up, to the speed of current traffic.  Then merge. You can do it ya fucktard!

Now, if I see one more of you arrogant sons of bitches pass me all in a rush like your pregnant wife is birthing right there on you passenger seat just to cut me off, slow down and fucking turn right. I will come unglued and ram my fist so far up your tailpipe, you'll have to move your balls to wipe your nose.

E-mail Posting

I need to figure out why so many of these are going to drafts and not posting...
I'm sure there is a loose nut behind the keyboard, the problem will be finding and fixing it.

Drinking

Another in drafts form 03NOV12

It is a night to drink.

I'm not drink, I'm just drunking...

Is there such a thing as 6 fingers...? From a half gallon bottle? 
I need to go to bed....

Random 2

from 04DEC12

Another in my random collection of memories that pops into my head for no reason that I can think of. For what it is worth, I'm sitting on a plane, flying to California to visit customers and disclose (showoff) one of the patent submissions I have made.

I think I was 18... maybe 19.

I graduated high school in December. Kinda because I excelled at the self 'PACE' style my private Christian school utilized and partly cause they wanted me out of there.  I was the proverbial black-sheep-bad-boy that every strict religious organization warns all the other kids about.

After graduation I moved to Pensacola, Florida.  I had just gotten into town. I was still driving down one of the main streets looking for a place to be. I picked up a kid about my age hitchhiking. He was just leaving work and heading home.

As is common with hitchhikers and their picker-uppers, we chatted.  Something to break the surreal-ness of two strangers suddenly being in the same car. As it worked out, he offered for me to crash at his place. He lived with his mom and she didn't object either.  Looking back, it would be odd in today's world but he offered and I did accept. i slept a couple days on his couch.

While there his mom, a plain and simple drunk and in today's vernacular, a cougar. (Her boy friend was just a little older than I was).  Back then drinking at 18 was legal. (Yes, I'm that old). We got a bunch of beer and liquor and hit the beach early in the day. We drank hard and I fell asleep (passed out) on the beach, in the Florida sun, before noon. I woke up around sun set.

I have never had such a bad sunburn in my life. Within 24 hours my forehead was peeling along with my eye lids. Not to mention the fact that it hurt to blink. The dead skin was so thick I could not rip it with my fingernails. Pretty sure it was sun poisoning. Nausea, my head was throbbing.  Not a good time.

A month or so later, we went to a friend of his place for a party. More drinking. Was my first and only time to drink so much that I threw up and I had a hang over the next day.  Some how i drove back to my little apartment and slept it off.  Man could that little apartment and bed spin.

Not since then have I had a hang over (knock on wood).

I Like Jokes

We are bombarded with images and news stories telling us how evil the white man is. How much he beats down the black man, how prejudiced we all are.

Several years ago a production line manager in the factory I worked cautioned our factory manager that she shouldn't use the 'master/slave' term common in lighting. (When a light fixture with a ballast, the master, is wired to another light fixture without a ballast, the slave.)  See,the funny part was that the line manager was a white guy and the factory manager was a black woman. She actually said that she never made the connection.

Yesterday while shopping with my wife in Durham, North Carolina (a predominantly black community) we saw a young light skinned black man wearing a NASCAR Oreo jacket...  I don't know what the wife and I were talking about before that but we both went silent. I had my mouth open in a gasp. I broke the silence by pointing the young mans attire out to my wife. She broke out laughing and said she was thinking the same thing.

Ok, I'm evil and wicked for thinking that but come on, it was funny, right? Yes, I think racist jokes are funny. Black, Irish, Polish, doesn't matter. Some of them are damn funny.

Anyway, it is awesome that words can go back to being just words.

Duke

I wrote this in August of 2010.  It's self explanatory.

*********************************

Hi!

My name is Duke.  I’d like to take a minute and re-introduce myself.

See, I’m a HSHC puppy.  I was adopted from you guys (the Humane Society for Hamilton County) on
February 14, 2000.  I’m having a fantastic and wonderful life.  Since I've recently joined Face Book (with mom’s help) and found you, I thought I’d reconnect with the place and organization that has made everything I am, possible.

Growing up in Hamilton County has been great.  I helped mom and dad raise the kids, got them lots of exercise and occasionally told on them for coming home late.  We lived in a nice neighborhood and I got to go on walks often.  Mom and dad also got me a membership to Eagle Creek Dog Park. It was a long drive but it was great fun and I got to meet a bunch of new canine friends.  Although occasionally I had to bark at some of the people that were around.  The reason, everyone finally figured out goes back to when I was about 2-1/2.  During a visit from grandma and grandpa I had to bark at grandpa, several times.  Boy was mom and dad mad.  I didn't stop even when they told me too.  The third time I went barking crazy at grandpa, finally, mom and grandma figured out I was trying to tell them there was an issue.  See, grandpa is a diabetic and every time he had an insulin reaction, I could tell and was trying desperately to tell someone.

They all finally came to find out, all dogs can smell chemical changes in people and even the difference between two individuals.  See that’s how we can track you through the woods or track a rabbit though thick brush.  The profoundly sensitive and discrete sense of smell all canines have has been passed down form our wolf ancestors.  For survival, they had to learn to ‘smell’ the wounded or sick individuals in a heard of thousands.  The gift, mom found that I have, is the desire to tell someone when there is a change.

That was the beginning of mine and mom’s training. Over the past 9 or so years I have been training and certifying in blood evidence detection.  I have been to Ohio, Michigan, North Carolina and the Ames NASA Research facility near San Francisco California for specialized training.

I can find a single 10 year old tooth in a gravel parking lot.  I can find a single drop of blood on a red carpet that has been set on fire.  I have worked with the FBI, Indiana State Police and fire and police departments in Indianapolis, Shelbyville and Wabash among others.

I am certified with NASAR (National Association for Search and Rescue), IPWDA (International Police Working Dogs Association), LETS (Law Enforcement Training Specialists), IDHS (Indiana Department of Homeland Security), ICF (Institute for Canine Forensics) and NASA (North American Space Administration).  I have worked missing persons, cold cases, fire cases, and natural disasters like tornadoes and flash floods.

Although I imagine he doesn't remember I even go to meet Governor Daniels once.  That’s when I learned, when he was a young man, he had a dog name Duke too.  What an honor that was.

So… what am I getting at or trying to say here.  Just that as I approach my 11th birthday, (that’s over 77 in people years) I want you to know that some of the pups you adopt out, go on to do great things and that everyone that adopts a pup should know that they have a treasure and a friend for life and a life that will treasure their friendship.

I am proud to have had my start at the HSHC and hope that you are proud to have been my adoption agency.

Sincerely,

Duke “Nuke’m” Randolph

The Gebhart Effect

The problem with posting great writing works on Facebook is that once it is past a little time, it falls off everyone's timeline and no one ever sees it again.  On a blog, writing is saved, searchable and out there for anyone to see, read and appreciate.

A friend of mine... (that's an odd statement, but that's a whole 'nother post) wrote this on FB.  I have stolen it and posted it here for posterity.  He is (i think) 29. Very wise for his young years. I hope you find it as inspirational as I.

*************************

So here it is as i see it in terms of the 2012 Rumble in the jungle election:

winning is winning no matter if its by an inch or a mile and it appear that Obama did just that. As a fan of facts and numbers and how the relate to life it is interesting to note that Obama carried 7 MILLION less votves than in 2008 while Romney carried nearly 2t million less than McCain. What that tells me is that Obama is no longer the immaculate black Jesus here to bring about a new Golden Age but rather that of the people who voted, more are of the persuasion that personal liberty (which i have heard some call selfishness) trumps any national issue. I can understand and respect that position. There are things that I will go all in for and sacrifice my personal beliefs for a singular goal and do so on regular occasion (every two years when I vote Republican as all others seem to have forgotten what a budget is). so i hold no ill will to those who thought they were casting a vote for a small measure of freedom. I am willing to die for freedom, so voting for it is a small matter.

What can we learn from the electorate? That it is not so white or so "rich" (250k is hardly walking around money in the grand scheme of things) or so conservative as we believe and far more gullible and willing to swallow any lie to make itself feel better about the dire straights it finds itself in than we give it credit for. We have flip flopper vs flip flopper. It just so happens that one's flip is more popular than the other's flop. The people who are willing to take an hour out of their day to perform the most sacred of civic duties are also the people who think that if an individual passionately and ravenously loves another person of the same sex and has a commitment to them as equal or more so than any heterosexual couple then they should be afforded the same rights, titles and privileges as those heterosexual couples. These are people who believe that if someone was taken here as a child by parents who were willing to become criminals to get to a place that is unlike ANY other country on earth then they should be given some path to citizenship (but no one said it should be easy, as it shouldn't...either immigrant or natural born) and that if you have been here and paying into the system and living or dying by it, you too should be offered the same chance. These voters said that while Obamacare isnt perfect, they believe that it is a better situation than what existed before and that some safety net, no matter how flawed and marred, was better than none. They said that these and so many other issues that effect the individual are more important than the financial well being and success of the nation. That they were willing to be taken down a few pegs in terms of military might and international leader ship in order to gain these freedoms.

How does modern Conservatism adapt to this? As i no longer identify as a Conservative but as an Independent i can only tell you the course i feel is most appropriate. Milton Friedman once wrote something to the effect that as much as he hated the Fed, we should talk about how to mitigate it instead of living in a fairy tale where it doesn't exist. Whether Conservatives think that people should be responsible for the actions or not, children are born out of wed lock. Men flee their duty to raise children as do women. There are incredibly lazy people who would rather live as leaches than to rise to greatness. Welfare and food stamps and medicare and medicaid and subsidies for the most foolish and wise ventures exist and instead of spending time talking about how it ought to be it is imperative to take action based on the realities of the world. For conservatism to survive it must accept the equality of all people to live their lives as they choose. It must realize that not all march to their religious and social drum beat and what is morally reprehensible to them isn't the same for others that would flock to their cause but for their unwillingness to become a socially conservative Christians. That equality and freedom are not something that you can inflict upon a person but are rather the natural state of humanity and the only thing that impedes upon that are governments and religion.

I look ahead to the future with a hopeful eye. Rand Paul in particular seems to be a shining light of what modern conservatism can be. As much as i speak about living in the world as it is, i often wonder what could have been and would be had that been. On election night i confided in a dear friend of the liberal persuasion that if Obama wasn't such a Socialist, id vote for him. That is true. What a man he would be had he fallen under the influence of Milton Friedman while at the University of Chicago. What would our world look like. A new JFK that balanced fiscal conservatism with a liberal society. Perhaps then he would be black Jesus.

U S Airways

I find myself sitting on the floor next to a very busy restroom entrance at Minneapolis airport in order to charge my phones. (Yes, I have 2)
When does/will US airways get their collective heads out of their collective asses and install charging stations at their gates? Is it really that hard?
Delta did it...

Random 1

That wasn't suppose to send...

I remember while I was living in California, one time when my oldest son came to visit.  He was at camp Penelton for desert warfare training...
He opened my refrigerator and remarked that it must be a guy thing cause I only had beer and meat in my fridge.
Made me laugh, makes me smile now.
He's a good kid, they're both great. I love them... love you both.

Random thoughts

In a fit of melencolly tonight, I've decided to record here some random things as they com to me.  The melincolly was about my memory.  I feel likke I'm loosing it. Names escape me often, I even forget the names of some of co-workers in mid sentence. Maybe it's just old age and everyone goes thru this, right?
Wonder if I can keep these numbered...

Father's Day

Called my dad for father's day.  Granted it was a day late.  He didn't seem to mind.  My kids didn't call me.  They texted.  Nick texted "it's too loud where I am, or I'd call", Aaron was reminded by my wife.

 

I don't think me and my dad talked for 5 minutes.  He interrupted me talking about what I was into and where I was traveling to this week (Chicago and Minneapolis for work) to ask me to do him a favor.  I was almost giddy.  'Anything dad, what do you need' ran through my head.

 

He told me to lose weight.  Said at my age I was risking a heart attack and he didn't want to have to bury me.  Said it isn't supposed to happen that way.  I felt like was hit in the gut with a basketball.  I was stunned, angry, offended.  Still am. (I hope writing this will help me calm down.  My heart is still pounding.)  All I could say was "ok, tell you what, you work on bringing up your sugar up and I'll work on losing weight".  He said it didn't work that way, said I was too heavy, told me to have a nice day, said good bye and hung up.

 

. . . . . BUT THAT'S THE WAY YOU FUCKING RAISED ME!!!

 

Clean your plate

There are starving kids in China

You're such a big boy, eating 2 plates

You want to grow big and strong don't you?

 

Sigh

 

I know.  I know.  He cares, right?

Still, we don't talk except for once or twice a year.  After his sugar episode in Atlanta, I thought I'd go visit him for father's day. Be a good son.  Kinda glad I didn't now, knowing this was going to be on his agenda.

 

Yes, I'll feel like crap if something happens.

A Brother From Another Mother

I found this in drafts.  I wrote it right after attending Dave's funeral. I didn't publish it because... I don't remember now.  Needing it to be perfect comes to mind, now.  Dirt just needs to be remembered.

BFAM

July 5th, 2010, David “DirtBike” Bailey, left us to stand a flag line with the heroes in heaven.

My brother, Dave 'Dirt Bike' Bailey at 'Dave Fest '09'. Signing my sons chair. He was in Iraq and these were 'luxury' items he said they really missed.






After over a year long fight with his cancer alien, God chose to bring him home and give him peace. As sad as I am at Dirt’s passing, I know his pain has ended and he is at peace. I can’t help but smile at the thought of him greeting heroes with hugs, telling stories and just being a blessing to everyone that he meets.

Ride forever free my friend and crack open those pipes for me, the pipes you hear screaming in California are mine and they cry with me, missing you. NOT like a punk, like the true American patriot that you are. Know that you are already sorely missed and will never be forgotten.

(grinns) I can still hear Dave saying, ‘Ridin Til I Rot’ and ‘Aint going out like no punk’. He did both. I am blessed for knowing him.

God’s blessings and peace be with Janet, the family and his friends.

Bad Animals

I've been traveling a little lately.  Being the quite person that I am, I watch and listen to people. A lot. How they react and act around each other amazes me.

On my most recent trip to Vegas, I heard a mother the seat behind me reading a story to her child. The line that caught me and made my internal jaw drop was about a bad mean wolf chasing something. May have been children. She used her best evil menacing voice to bring the point home for the child.

All this traveling means I've been reading. Recently I read a short... summary on taoism. (is there really such a thing?) The blank state being of Tao is reckoned to the blank unassumingness of an infant. If a child has no knowledge or understanding, then everything they know, everything we know, is taught.

Looking back, I've long had this desire to raise my sons to be free thinkers. At one point, I wanted to teach them the color orange was called green and vice versa. The wife would not allow this. In hind site, I know she was right. I did however teach them to say ' bless you' to someone that burps and 'excuse you' to someone that sneezes. Even now, they are very aware I've taught them backwards, they still use my way.

A point... yea, right....
If childrens books taught children to be aware of the skills a wolf has, the job rats and bugs and flys and maggots preform... How different would we, as humans be? I can't help but wonder if we would have less bigotry in the world, less of people jumping to assume that what they don't understand is evil. Or more basically, wrong.