Laughs

Busy busy busy. Seems all I have time for is to post jokes I get e-mail and read other blogs.

This one made me chuckle.

Sleeping Beauty, Tom Thumb, and Quasimodo were all talking one day.

Sleeping Beauty said, "I believe myself to be the most beautiful girl in the world."

Tom Thumb said, "I must be the smallest person in the world."

Quasimodo said, "I absolutely have to be the ugliest person in the world."

So they all decided to go to the Guinness Book of World Records to have their claims verified.

Sleeping Beauty went in first and came out looking deliriously happy. “It’s official, I AM the most beautiful girl in the world."

Tom Thumb went next and emerged triumphant, "I am now officially the smallest person in the world."

Sometime later, Quasimodo comes out looking utterly confused and says.

"Who is Rosie O'Donnell ?

Fridays Feast

Appetizer
What is your favorite kind of bread?
Hoagie buns or Italian. I love a good sub or a hunk of Italian bread to soak up left over spaghetti sauce.

Soup
When was the last time you bought a new pillow?
For me to use… never. I have 50-60 year old down feather pillows.

Salad
Approximately how many hours per week do you spend surfing the ‘net?
7 maybe 10

Main Course
What’s the highest you remember your temperature being?
102 BUT 98.6 is an average. My normal temp is 96, so when at 102 it was like anyone else being at 104. I had to sit in an ice bath for a couple hours. I was shivering like a leaf in a hurricane but never went below 100

Dessert
Fill in the blanks:
When I sleep I snore… This is a weird question.

My 2¢

Everywhere you go people are talking about the Virginia Tech shooting.

I’ll make mine short:
In the same situation as any involved (police, campus security, college leadership), I cannot with great confidence say I would have reacted any differently. Nor can you, I'd wager. Sitting back and “Monday Quarterbacking” or judging in hindsight is nearly as vicious as the attack. No one involved acted in a way intended to cause further injury or malice.

Lastly, to those that would demand tighter and more gun control;
“If guns kill people, pencils write miss-spelled words”

Missing a Friend

Those of you that maintain or write to more than one blog, my hat is off to you. I have nothing to post here, but I did post here.

Have a look, leave a note for my friend. His name is Tim.

Friday's Feast

Feast One Hundred & Thirty Nine

Appetizer
When you were a child, which crayon color was your favorite?
I loved the metallic colors; gold, silver and copper. Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, I colored had silver, gold or copper on it. Unless, of course, I had used them up. They were the only colors that were consumed completely.

Soup
On a scale of 1 to 10 (with 10 being highest), how likely would you be to change jobs if it required you to move?
All things being even – 3 maybe 4
A better offer, part of the country I want to live in… 9 - 10

Salad
Take all the numbers in your birthday and your phone number and add them up, one by one. What’s the total?
If November is 11 (eleven, that is a number) and the year is 19xx then it is 2054
If the author meant to add all of the digits, i.e. November is 1+1 then it is 83
In both cases I used the area code in my phone number.

Main Course
Have you ever “re-gifted” anything? If so, what was it and who did you pass it on to?
No

Dessert
Name something you need from the store.
Cleaner for the shower.

Thursday Laughs - Making a Baby

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off now the man should be here soon."

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.

Good morning, Ma'am", he said, "I've come to...”.

“Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been expecting you."

"Have you really?" said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?"

"Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat" After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"

"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there."

"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!" Mrs. Smith whispered to herself.

"Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."

"My, that's a lot!" gasped Mrs. Smith.

"Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that."

"Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus," he said.

"Oh my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

"And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with."

"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.

"Yes, I'm afraid so I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look"

"Four and five deep?" said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.

"Yes", the photographer replied. "And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in."

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment? "

"It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away."

"Tripod?"

"Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long."

Mrs. Smith fainted

Miss Me?

Work and life get in the way of blogging, then throw work into the mix and, I'm sorry to say, you all take the back seat.

I've posted a couple things I've been working on (see below) and I have another great joke for Thursday.

Indiana has been hit hard this week with PGR missions. 3 funerals this week. I ride to Marion, IN tomorrow.
Tell a solder thanks today... for me.

Steel City Born, Steel City Raised

Ohhh yeah baby!!!

Born and raised, I have bumper stickers, licenses plates, frames, posters, Da Bus Ahrn city Collectors can and even Steelers Contacts... I bleed steel.

Here's a quiz, how did you do?!!

You are 100% Pittsburgh.

Great job! There's nooooo doubt about it. You're from Da Burgh. You deserve a reward, so go have an Ahrn City or two. And GO STILLERS!

How Pittsburgh Are You
See All Our Quizzes

What A Night

I have no pictures and I fear my words will not do this experence justice, but here it goes…

At about 9 pm Monday the 2nd, as the full moon had just broke the horizon, I decided to try our new ‘fire pit’. The moon was an eerie red, but quickly became the whited face of the man on the moon we are all familiar with.

Of course the wood I bought was wet and getting anything other than paper to burn was a challenge. Lots of smoke, the log pieces smoked long enough and I burned enough paper to turn them to coals. The only real fire came from some twigs I broke off of a dead bush from our back yard. Amaizingly, thought, it was very relaxing while it lasted.

The Missus and I (and the dogs) went inside but I still wasn’t ready to go to bed. I went back out to the deck and began watching the moon and it’s reflection off of the pond in our back yard.

The night was nearly still. If not for looking at the reflection, I would have said there was no wind or breeze. The moons reflection would shift and elongate as the subtitle breeze played with the surface of our pond. When the traffic noise died out for a few minutes, (I live in urban sprawl suburbia) the fountain of the neighboring pond could be heard. Splashing, playing on the surface… I could almost see myself in a thick forest near a waterfall watching the moon on a pool near by.

While staring at the reflection, a jumping fish would catch my eye and for a brief second the ripples of it’s free exhilaration could be seen. Then gone… but were they really? Can they traverse the 100 feet across the pond, I’d stare wondering at the reflection, “would the ripples make it across?”. Then the moons reflection would shift, almost violently and I knew the evidence of the earlier fish had made it across.

The highlight of the evening was when our local musk rat swam directly through the moons reflection. My simple elation in the joy of such a small life made me feel like a kid. The frogs were lightly croaking, ducks and geese could be heard in the distance, blocking out the cars and smelling the wayward whiffs of smoke from the earlier fire brought a renewed life to my soul.

It was a wonderful night.

It was a great night.

Which Fictional / Sci-Fi Character Are You?

Got this at Freddie's.

You are Raistlin Majere
An intensely private individual that chooses actions with care, you strive to further your own skills and powers.

This happens because I choose it to happen!

Raistlin is a character in the Dragonlance universe. He has a short biography at Wikipedia.

Biker's Zen (Wise Words From the Road)

Some of you may know Dazd and I are plugging away at an Indiana PGR Blog. I posted the Biker's Zen over there.

Stop by and say HI!!

Indiana Patriot Guard Riders Blog

Sun Shine

The sun shone beautifully here yesterday, especially in the morning.

The sun burns my skin. My fair Scottish roots have not served me well as protection form UV, ‘a’ nor ‘b’. When a foolish child, I spent my share of hours lying in the sun, to get that ‘glow’ or perfect tan. I have also burnt myself so bad that I got sick, blisters the size of silver dollars… within 12 hours, and a headache that throbbed with every beat of my heart, every beat made my head feel like it would explode.

Yesterday, I took my winter bleached white self out and sat in the sun. At the time it was about 68 degrees with a 20 mph wind. It was surprisingly warm. In seconds, I closed my eyes and turned to face the sun, removed my shirt and sat there admiring the glowing orbs I could see through my eye-lids. Simply feeling the warmth soak into my bones. Like hearing the voice and seeing the face of a long missed dear friend, it was good for the soul.

I have been burnt enough that I can tell when enough rays have struck me. My skins starts to tingle and is oddly warm. My exposed cheeks were first to say ‘enough’. (Unlike my avatar, I am fully bearded now. It’s a winter thing.) Barely 15 minutes and this long missed friend had worn out his welcome. Much longer and I would burn.

I returned to the UV safety of the house, all windows open as far as winters swelling would allow. I lounged most of the day, doing only what chores needed doing. Catching what things were blown off tables and counter tops, watching the cats and dogs, each in turn, visiting with our friend the sun, warming their bones and then going to whatever chores they might have.

The sun shone beautifully here yesterday, it was a beautiful day. It was a beautiful weekend.

How was yours?

Friday's Feast - #137

Forgot to post this Friday.... sorry!!

Appetizer
What are you proud of?
My kids, One a Marine, one the most caring big heartedguy you'd ever meet.

Soup
What is the best thing you’ve ever won as a prize?
2nd place in Effingham County Tractor Pull - Modified Garden Tractor Class (See here - under What one person influenced your life the most when growing up)

Salad
Name something you do that is a waste of time.
I watch too much TV. Love crime dramas.

Main Course
In what year of your life did you change the most?
1984 - I was 21. Had our first son and got married, moved out on our own... Started this life for real. This summer we will celebrate 24 years.

Dessert
Where is a place you consider to be very tranquil?
Any 2-lane road, crusing along at about 50 MPH. The wind in my face, the sun high, mid afternoon. The meledoic drone of the big v-twin in my ears. Heading home from a welcome home. I'm almost sad when it ends.

Jokes for Thursday

Grandma

A sweet grandmother telephoned St. Joseph's Hospital. She timidly asked, "Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?"

The operator said, "I'll be glad to help, dear. What's the name and room number?"

The grandmother in her weak tremulous voice said, "Norma Findlay, Room 302."

The operator replied, "Let me place you on hold while I check with her nurse."

After a few minutes the operator returned to the phone, "Oh, good news. Her nurse has told me that Norma is doing very well. Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back as normal and her physician, Dr. Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged Tuesday."

The grandmother said, "Thank you. That's wonderful! I was so worried! God bless you for the good news."

The operator replied, "You're more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?"

The grandmother said, "No, I'm Norma Findlay in 302. No one tells me shit."


Little Johnny

For his birthday, little Johnny asked for a 15-speed mountain bike. His father said, "Johnny, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $280,000 & your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it."

The next day the father saw little Johnny heading out the front door with a suitcase. Johnny’s father asked, "Son, where are you going?"

Little Johnny told him, " I was walking past your room last night and I heard you telling mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too… I'll be damned if I'm staying here by myself with a $280,000 mortgage and no bike!"


Benefit Concert for the Croc Hunter

I heard the other day there was going to be a benefit concert for the Croc Hunter’s family… I guess it’s going to turn into a world wide tour, I’ve only heard of 3 bands so far that has signed on… Heart, Sting, and Poison….


LMAO…. I know I’m going to hell… Ya’ll know I’ll be the greeter…

Marine Sgt. Gary S. Johnston

A good PGR friend of mine sent this to me, SergeantMoon. His son is a Marine, Gary was his son’s best friend.

The letter is form the BBC and is about their visit to Winthorst, TX

The link is the audio file (mp3 format) from the BBC.
As Mr. Johnston says, we in middle America are VERY proud of our country and our sons.

In Memory of:

Marine Sgt. Gary S. Johnston

21, of Windthorst, Texas; assigned to 3rd Reconnaissance Battalion, 3rd Marine Division, III Marine Expeditionary Force Okinawa, Japan; died Jan. 23 while conducting combat operations in Anbar province, Iraq.

***********************************************************

Dear Angela,

Thank you so much for inviting us into your home, and for telling us about Gary and how you and all your friends and neighbors in Windthorst have been coping with his loss.

Jamie and I found the experience very moving. Neither of us have seen anything quite like the scenes at Gary's funeral. I know you are very proud of him, and the town of Windthorst certainly gave him an amazing send-off.

It is obvious to us that Texas looks after its own, and the sense of community spirit in Windthorst is very strong.

I am sending you a copy of the piece we did. I hope you think it is okay. If you have any problems playing it please let me know and I will send you a CD in the post instead. I am sorry I didn't get to send this yesterday, but I have had a few computer problems here...

Thanks again for having us, and for feeding us!!! Please pass on my regards to Nebin, and say hello and thank you to everyone else who made the effort to come over on Wednesday evening.

It was a pleasure to meet you all.

Take care, and as I say, please let me know if you have any problems with the mp3 file.

Piers.

*****************************************************

The Audio Clip

Photo of the Year

This is the gang waiting at Camp Atterbury. Photo by Jim "Infidel". Click on image for 2mg version.

Wow!! What a Ride!!

Welcome Home 961st Engineers and Company B Marines

Saturday started at 0500 for me after 4 hours of sleep… that’s another story, maybe tomorrow.

With one eye on the weather radar channel, I packed leather and dressed in rain gear. The sun doesn’t coming up around here till about 0745, so it remains cool for quite a while. ‘Pack a t-shirt, a sweat shirt (might be cold again on the way home), no room for dry jeans… Just don’t get wet’ I was thinking. I left the house about 0530 and met up with Infidel at our first meeting place, McBP. A quick bite to eat and we headed off to meet the other Indy area riders just south of the outer belt. We had wet roads for this first leg, read “lots of road spray”, thankfully no real rain.

Friendships, I believe, are built through common bonds and sharing emotional experiences. These people are my friends. When you haven’t seen some of them in weeks, sometimes months, the reunions are heartfelt. We hug, we laugh, we catch up, it’s like they we're never really gone. They have been missed, but never stray far form my thoughts.

We met up with the other Indy area riders and hit the road again at 0700. About 45 minutes later we are at Camp Atterbury. The busses are scheduled to leave at 0800, we got there before the busses… the busses arrived at about 0815. What’s that saying… “hurry up and wait”

We hit the road at about 0900. 16 bikes and 10 of those had 3x5 American flags flying. The motorcycles led the buses and our cagers, also flying 3x5 flags, followed the buses. As we turn the corner heading up the on ramp, we are all watching in our mirrors to make sure the busses made the bend through traffic. They stopped… we slowed… they sat there… and they sat there… “WTH??” We stopped. (Let me remind you from above “…turn the corner heading up the on ramp…”). Yes, we were getting on the interstate and stopped ON the on ramp. (Not the best place to stop on a motor cycle – right?) One Hero runs the 200-300 yards to our rear bike and tells him that they are missing some ‘paper work’ and that a car is running it over to them now, we’ll have to wait. We moved over and sat there. The wait wasn’t too bad, only about 15 minutes, then off we went.

The ride north was uneventful save a few hundred honks and thumbs up from by-passers. When we got to the Indianapolis area, the Indiana State police were waiting for us and escorted us through the city and out the other side about 20 miles. I believe there was 3 of them, one did not allow anyone to pass us and the other 2 rode ahead and stopped any one from entering the highway till we had passed. That was the coolest!! Riding through the city with out one car cutting into or through our line was the safest ride through Indy I have ever had!!

Our RCs (Sleepy Rider and Lobo) had made arrangements with the CO and bus drivers to let us re-fuel in Lafayette. When we stopped the heroes, of course, had to get off the buses and stretch, so we got to meet and talk with some of them.

After gassing up and changing from rain gear to leathers, we hit the road again. About 150 miles later we stopped for lunch in Merrillville, IN, and again got to meet and eat with these ladies and gentlemen. One guy from the local area met us there and led the bussed through Chicago.

Some of our original group had to head home and 6 of us took off east towards South Bend heading for Hoosier HD on the east side. Of course we missed the Hoosier HD group and had to ride over to the airport back west of S. Bend.

The local area turn out was fantastic!!! There was 85 bikes and about 20 cages. There were 40-50 fire trucks and another 20+ police cars. They were form all over N. Indiana and S. Michigan. Once Company B loaded onto the busses we (the bikes, fire trucks and police cars) escorted the 5 buses the 10 miles to the Marine Reserve Center. All along the parade route people were standing outside their houses, waving, clapping and flying flags. Many, many signs read “Thank You Company B”. At the Reserve Center their families were waiting, more signs waving, banners flapping, all surrounded by American Flags!!!

As they disembarked the busses they were swarmed by family, hugged by friends and welcomed home by other vets and the PGR. If there was a dry eye there, I didn’t see it.

As we left, some of the families noticed and started clapping… As I teared up again, I couldn’t help but think, “All we did was ride. Don’t clap for us, you are the ones that let your sons/daughters fight, you are the ones that fought… THANK YOU!! IT WAS OUR HONOR!!!”

We left S. Bend with another 150 miles and about 3 hours to get home. Darkness came and fog, thick enough to cause drips on your goggles. As I pulled into my driveway my odometer turned something over 500 miles. I was beat and my ass hurt. But, my heart was grinning and images of smiling young men and women in their dusty desert cameo would not leave my head. Some where, some how, I fell asleep hoping I would remember everything. Knowing, I WILL NOT FORGET!!!

Pictures
From;
Indiana
Illinois
Wisconsin
Co. B Returns

Great Weekend Planed

The 961st Engineering Battalion is here and the PGR is escorting them about 170 miles north. Then we are heading east to welcome home and escort Marines form Company B.

Uuu Raa!! Welcome home gentlemen. Thank you for your service, sacrifice and dedication!!

PS: I know this is kinda vague, but too much details frowned on. I’ll post more AFTER the ride. If you think you can attend, e-mail me and I’ll give you some details.

My Teacher, A Cat

I was reading these posts here and here. They gave me this childhood flash-back.

My earliest memories include cats. When I was 3 or 4 someone had dropped off a box of kittens where my mom worked. Up until that time we had lived in an apartment so the timing was perfect for us to have a cat… actually two. Elf and Dennis.

Both were yellow tabbies and toms. Both were eventually neutered.

Elf was round headed and stocky. I remember his big gold eyes getting so large when I would run my hand under the blankets on my bed. Then, smack!! Faster than this little kid could think he’d grab my hand and bat and bite at it. I’d giggle like I was being tickled. That of course would startle him and he’d run off to the other end of the bed and we’d start all over. Well placed pillows on the bed would give him things to hide behind and he’d sneak back over and ***POUNCE*** again.

Dennis was skittish. He didn’t seem to like us little kids (me and my little brother). We’d walk into the room and he’d leave. He was more my mom’s cat.

Sometime in there Mittens and Patrick came along. Mittens was black with 4 white mittens on her paws. Patrick was white with several black spots on him. They tolerated us kids. Our inevitable laughter would make them leave but they at least played with us for a few minutes.

There was also an older tom we named Smokey Joe. He was a long haired gray guy that wondered up to our door one day. He was skinny, had a big scrape on his tail that was infected and a scar on his back that was about a half inch wide and an inch and a half long. What ever happened there was severe enough that hair never grew back, nor did it grow back on that spot on his tail. One of his ears was mangled, most likely form a fight with another tomcat. One time, he came home not moving his back legs real well. A quick trip to the vet showed that he had been shot. The x-ray clearly showed ever so many spots… ‘bird shot’, meant to kill, but only wounding him. He fully recovered use of his legs. This was the event that made my mom stop letting our cats outside. From this point on they only went out on leashes… (that’s another story) I so remember him sleeping on my lap and purring the day away, front paws kneading and flexing at the air. You’d swear he was smiling sometimes.

When I was 10 or 11, spending my 4th summer at a church camp on Lake Erie in Ohio, I found a kitten under our cabin. He couldn’t have been 6 weeks old. I snuck milk out of the mess hall and fed him scraps form all of my friends plates. When our cabin counselor wasn’t looking, I snuck him into the cabin and he slept with me. One of the leaders found out and wanted to put him back out, just leave him. I insisted we call my mom, I was sure she would let me keep him… She did. He rode back to Pittsburgh with me on the chartered Greyhound bus. He slept the whole way. I named him Hobo. Hobo lived 22 years! After I was married, when I’d go home for a visit, Hobo would come see me. Purring like he was still a little kitten and I was giving him some of that cherished milk. For the last 5 or so years he was stone deaf, but he could see. My mom always said he perked up when we visited, even playing with some of the younger cats after we’d leave again. I remember my mom calling one evening... They had to put Hobo to sleep. He hadn’t eaten in several days, the vet said his kidneys and liver had failed… It was time…

Some others were; Misty, Andrew, Ami, Billy Peaches, Teddy, Cubby, Meow-fit… so many I can’t remember them all. I sure do miss them sometimes.

My mom runs a ‘no kill’ shelter for abandoned cats and dogs now. Last I heard she has 120 +/- cats and 40 dogs. 30ish cats live with her at her house. As do most of the kitten litter until they are old enough to adopt. She hand feeds week old kittens every 2 hours till they are old enough to eat solid food. Talk about cats that love people.

We (my family) have 4 cats right now. They still sit on my lap and we enjoy the day. Their eyes pressed closed sitting in the sun. Just being and letting what will come, come.

In these more stressful days of my life, I am drawn to simpler times. I find it amazing how felinious domesticaus (sp?) can just enjoy life as it is; sleep when they are tired, play when they want and relax like crazy. After 40+ years with these most unique creatures, I find I still have a lot to learn from them.

I know she’ll never see it, but… Thanks, mom, for raising me with cats and dogs; and teaching me to respect all life.

Today's Zen

OK… Remember this.

I am by no means ‘enlightened’. I enjoy these sayings, poems, etc. they can give you something to think about. But today’s’ ZEN Calendar… I don’t get it.

A monk asked Roso: “What is the wordless word?”
Roso replied with another question: “Where’s your mouth?”
The monk said: “I haven’t got one!”
“Then what do you eat with?” asked Roso.
The monk was silent.

Zen Mondo

My first response was, “This is a great smartass remark!!” but I fear I’ve missed the point… any one care to enlighten me??