Thursday, January 31, 2013


Is it really that hard?

I know nobody that needs to read this is going to see it but here it goes anyway.

Turn signals - signal your intention. They don't mean 'hey here I come get out of the way' or 'oh shit I almost missed my turn, here I come' across 2...3... sometimes 4 lanes of traffic. Additionally, slowing down in traffic before rotating your steering wheel is exactly WHEN you SHOULD use your damn turn signal.

High beams - they help you see at night. Turn them off if another driver is approaching you AND if you are approaching another car from behind.

Head lights - not just to help you see but also to help you be seen. Driving your ghost silver Beemer or Mercedes in the fog or rain without them simply shows, YOU. ARE. AN. ASS!! If, for some reason, you think driving without your head light makes you cool.... you are an ASS with a horse dong stuck in it.

Keep left. EXCEPT to pass - I know. It is a VERY complicated concept. Let me put it in simple logic for you.
You're driving. Look to your right. Is there a lane of travel there?
No, stay where you are.
Yes, is there another vehicle there?
No, move the fuck over.
Yes, stay where you are.
You should run thru this logic about every 10 seconds until it becomes second nature.

Highway entrance ramps - you know that OHMYGOD I'MGOINGTOGETRUNOVER feeling you get...? Well, it's true, assmunch. Speed the fuck up, to the speed of current traffic.  Then merge. You can do it ya fucktard!

Now, if I see one more of you arrogant sons of bitches pass me all in a rush like your pregnant wife is birthing right there on you passenger seat just to cut me off, slow down and fucking turn right. I will come unglued and ram my fist so far up your tailpipe, you'll have to move your balls to wipe your nose.

Saturday, January 12, 2013

E-mail Posting

I need to figure out why so many of these are going to drafts and not posting...
I'm sure there is a loose nut behind the keyboard, the problem will be finding and fixing it.


Another in drafts form 03NOV12

It is a night to drink.

I'm not drink, I'm just drunking...

Is there such a thing as 6 fingers...? From a half gallon bottle? 
I need to go to bed....

Random 2

from 04DEC12

Another in my random collection of memories that pops into my head for no reason that I can think of. For what it is worth, I'm sitting on a plane, flying to California to visit customers and disclose (showoff) one of the patent submissions I have made.

I think I was 18... maybe 19.

I graduated high school in December. Kinda because I excelled at the self 'PACE' style my private Christian school utilized and partly cause they wanted me out of there.  I was the proverbial black-sheep-bad-boy that every strict religious organization warns all the other kids about.

After graduation I moved to Pensacola, Florida.  I had just gotten into town. I was still driving down one of the main streets looking for a place to be. I picked up a kid about my age hitchhiking. He was just leaving work and heading home.

As is common with hitchhikers and their picker-uppers, we chatted.  Something to break the surreal-ness of two strangers suddenly being in the same car. As it worked out, he offered for me to crash at his place. He lived with his mom and she didn't object either.  Looking back, it would be odd in today's world but he offered and I did accept. i slept a couple days on his couch.

While there his mom, a plain and simple drunk and in today's vernacular, a cougar. (Her boy friend was just a little older than I was).  Back then drinking at 18 was legal. (Yes, I'm that old). We got a bunch of beer and liquor and hit the beach early in the day. We drank hard and I fell asleep (passed out) on the beach, in the Florida sun, before noon. I woke up around sun set.

I have never had such a bad sunburn in my life. Within 24 hours my forehead was peeling along with my eye lids. Not to mention the fact that it hurt to blink. The dead skin was so thick I could not rip it with my fingernails. Pretty sure it was sun poisoning. Nausea, my head was throbbing.  Not a good time.

A month or so later, we went to a friend of his place for a party. More drinking. Was my first and only time to drink so much that I threw up and I had a hang over the next day.  Some how i drove back to my little apartment and slept it off.  Man could that little apartment and bed spin.

Not since then have I had a hang over (knock on wood).