Laughs

Busy busy busy. Seems all I have time for is to post jokes I get e-mail and read other blogs.

This one made me chuckle.

Sleeping Beauty, Tom Thumb, and Quasimodo were all talking one day.

Sleeping Beauty said, "I believe myself to be the most beautiful girl in the world."

Tom Thumb said, "I must be the smallest person in the world."

Quasimodo said, "I absolutely have to be the ugliest person in the world."

So they all decided to go to the Guinness Book of World Records to have their claims verified.

Sleeping Beauty went in first and came out looking deliriously happy. “It’s official, I AM the most beautiful girl in the world."

Tom Thumb went next and emerged triumphant, "I am now officially the smallest person in the world."

Sometime later, Quasimodo comes out looking utterly confused and says.

"Who is Rosie O'Donnell ?

Fridays Feast

Appetizer
What is your favorite kind of bread?
Hoagie buns or Italian. I love a good sub or a hunk of Italian bread to soak up left over spaghetti sauce.

Soup
When was the last time you bought a new pillow?
For me to use… never. I have 50-60 year old down feather pillows.

Salad
Approximately how many hours per week do you spend surfing the ‘net?
7 maybe 10

Main Course
What’s the highest you remember your temperature being?
102 BUT 98.6 is an average. My normal temp is 96, so when at 102 it was like anyone else being at 104. I had to sit in an ice bath for a couple hours. I was shivering like a leaf in a hurricane but never went below 100

Dessert
Fill in the blanks:
When I sleep I snore… This is a weird question.

My 2¢

Everywhere you go people are talking about the Virginia Tech shooting.

I’ll make mine short:
In the same situation as any involved (police, campus security, college leadership), I cannot with great confidence say I would have reacted any differently. Nor can you, I'd wager. Sitting back and “Monday Quarterbacking” or judging in hindsight is nearly as vicious as the attack. No one involved acted in a way intended to cause further injury or malice.

Lastly, to those that would demand tighter and more gun control;
“If guns kill people, pencils write miss-spelled words”

Missing a Friend

Those of you that maintain or write to more than one blog, my hat is off to you. I have nothing to post here, but I did post here.

Have a look, leave a note for my friend. His name is Tim.

Friday's Feast

Feast One Hundred & Thirty Nine

Appetizer
When you were a child, which crayon color was your favorite?
I loved the metallic colors; gold, silver and copper. Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, I colored had silver, gold or copper on it. Unless, of course, I had used them up. They were the only colors that were consumed completely.

Soup
On a scale of 1 to 10 (with 10 being highest), how likely would you be to change jobs if it required you to move?
All things being even – 3 maybe 4
A better offer, part of the country I want to live in… 9 - 10

Salad
Take all the numbers in your birthday and your phone number and add them up, one by one. What’s the total?
If November is 11 (eleven, that is a number) and the year is 19xx then it is 2054
If the author meant to add all of the digits, i.e. November is 1+1 then it is 83
In both cases I used the area code in my phone number.

Main Course
Have you ever “re-gifted” anything? If so, what was it and who did you pass it on to?
No

Dessert
Name something you need from the store.
Cleaner for the shower.

Thursday Laughs - Making a Baby

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off now the man should be here soon."

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.

Good morning, Ma'am", he said, "I've come to...”.

“Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been expecting you."

"Have you really?" said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?"

"Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat" After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"

"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there."

"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!" Mrs. Smith whispered to herself.

"Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."

"My, that's a lot!" gasped Mrs. Smith.

"Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that."

"Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus," he said.

"Oh my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

"And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with."

"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.

"Yes, I'm afraid so I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look"

"Four and five deep?" said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.

"Yes", the photographer replied. "And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in."

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment? "

"It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away."

"Tripod?"

"Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long."

Mrs. Smith fainted

Miss Me?

Work and life get in the way of blogging, then throw work into the mix and, I'm sorry to say, you all take the back seat.

I've posted a couple things I've been working on (see below) and I have another great joke for Thursday.

Indiana has been hit hard this week with PGR missions. 3 funerals this week. I ride to Marion, IN tomorrow.
Tell a solder thanks today... for me.

Steel City Born, Steel City Raised

Ohhh yeah baby!!!

Born and raised, I have bumper stickers, licenses plates, frames, posters, Da Bus Ahrn city Collectors can and even Steelers Contacts... I bleed steel.

Here's a quiz, how did you do?!!

You are 100% Pittsburgh.

Great job! There's nooooo doubt about it. You're from Da Burgh. You deserve a reward, so go have an Ahrn City or two. And GO STILLERS!

How Pittsburgh Are You
See All Our Quizzes

What A Night

I have no pictures and I fear my words will not do this experence justice, but here it goes…

At about 9 pm Monday the 2nd, as the full moon had just broke the horizon, I decided to try our new ‘fire pit’. The moon was an eerie red, but quickly became the whited face of the man on the moon we are all familiar with.

Of course the wood I bought was wet and getting anything other than paper to burn was a challenge. Lots of smoke, the log pieces smoked long enough and I burned enough paper to turn them to coals. The only real fire came from some twigs I broke off of a dead bush from our back yard. Amaizingly, thought, it was very relaxing while it lasted.

The Missus and I (and the dogs) went inside but I still wasn’t ready to go to bed. I went back out to the deck and began watching the moon and it’s reflection off of the pond in our back yard.

The night was nearly still. If not for looking at the reflection, I would have said there was no wind or breeze. The moons reflection would shift and elongate as the subtitle breeze played with the surface of our pond. When the traffic noise died out for a few minutes, (I live in urban sprawl suburbia) the fountain of the neighboring pond could be heard. Splashing, playing on the surface… I could almost see myself in a thick forest near a waterfall watching the moon on a pool near by.

While staring at the reflection, a jumping fish would catch my eye and for a brief second the ripples of it’s free exhilaration could be seen. Then gone… but were they really? Can they traverse the 100 feet across the pond, I’d stare wondering at the reflection, “would the ripples make it across?”. Then the moons reflection would shift, almost violently and I knew the evidence of the earlier fish had made it across.

The highlight of the evening was when our local musk rat swam directly through the moons reflection. My simple elation in the joy of such a small life made me feel like a kid. The frogs were lightly croaking, ducks and geese could be heard in the distance, blocking out the cars and smelling the wayward whiffs of smoke from the earlier fire brought a renewed life to my soul.

It was a wonderful night.

It was a great night.

Which Fictional / Sci-Fi Character Are You?

Got this at Freddie's.

You are Raistlin Majere
An intensely private individual that chooses actions with care, you strive to further your own skills and powers.

This happens because I choose it to happen!

Raistlin is a character in the Dragonlance universe. He has a short biography at Wikipedia.

Biker's Zen (Wise Words From the Road)

Some of you may know Dazd and I are plugging away at an Indiana PGR Blog. I posted the Biker's Zen over there.

Stop by and say HI!!

Indiana Patriot Guard Riders Blog

Sun Shine

The sun shone beautifully here yesterday, especially in the morning.

The sun burns my skin. My fair Scottish roots have not served me well as protection form UV, ‘a’ nor ‘b’. When a foolish child, I spent my share of hours lying in the sun, to get that ‘glow’ or perfect tan. I have also burnt myself so bad that I got sick, blisters the size of silver dollars… within 12 hours, and a headache that throbbed with every beat of my heart, every beat made my head feel like it would explode.

Yesterday, I took my winter bleached white self out and sat in the sun. At the time it was about 68 degrees with a 20 mph wind. It was surprisingly warm. In seconds, I closed my eyes and turned to face the sun, removed my shirt and sat there admiring the glowing orbs I could see through my eye-lids. Simply feeling the warmth soak into my bones. Like hearing the voice and seeing the face of a long missed dear friend, it was good for the soul.

I have been burnt enough that I can tell when enough rays have struck me. My skins starts to tingle and is oddly warm. My exposed cheeks were first to say ‘enough’. (Unlike my avatar, I am fully bearded now. It’s a winter thing.) Barely 15 minutes and this long missed friend had worn out his welcome. Much longer and I would burn.

I returned to the UV safety of the house, all windows open as far as winters swelling would allow. I lounged most of the day, doing only what chores needed doing. Catching what things were blown off tables and counter tops, watching the cats and dogs, each in turn, visiting with our friend the sun, warming their bones and then going to whatever chores they might have.

The sun shone beautifully here yesterday, it was a beautiful day. It was a beautiful weekend.

How was yours?

Friday's Feast - #137

Forgot to post this Friday.... sorry!!

Appetizer
What are you proud of?
My kids, One a Marine, one the most caring big heartedguy you'd ever meet.

Soup
What is the best thing you’ve ever won as a prize?
2nd place in Effingham County Tractor Pull - Modified Garden Tractor Class (See here - under What one person influenced your life the most when growing up)

Salad
Name something you do that is a waste of time.
I watch too much TV. Love crime dramas.

Main Course
In what year of your life did you change the most?
1984 - I was 21. Had our first son and got married, moved out on our own... Started this life for real. This summer we will celebrate 24 years.

Dessert
Where is a place you consider to be very tranquil?
Any 2-lane road, crusing along at about 50 MPH. The wind in my face, the sun high, mid afternoon. The meledoic drone of the big v-twin in my ears. Heading home from a welcome home. I'm almost sad when it ends.