HAPPY AND SAD

A husband and wife were sharing a bottle of wine when the husband said, "I bet you can't tell me something which will make me happy and sad at the same time".

The wife thought for a few moments, then said, "Your dick's bigger than your brother's".

Be Comfortable Riding or Don’t

I heard the other day that an acquaintance that rides with the PGR was selling his bike. His reason, “...to dangerous...”. In the Indiana PGR and locally we have had 4 or 5 deaths that are motor cycle related this year.

I know riding a motor cycle is dangerous. But is it any more dangerous this year than last year? I don’t think so.

So, what has changed? Why does a long time rider think there are more accidents or that it is more unsafe now than before?

Four years ago I personally knew 4 maybe 6 people that owned motor cycles. I did not own one, wouldn’t until the kids were mostly grown. The guys I knew rode only in great weather. The temperature had to be over 76 and below 90, no chance of rain, they left after 9 or 10 in the morning and were home way before dark.

Now... heh. I know at least a hundred riders and have acquaintance knowing (they know me and my name but I can’t remember theirs) for over 200. And these guys (me included) RIDE.

Some mornings we are up and on the road before 0400. There have been days that I didn’t get home till after mid-night. Rain, shine, fog, sleet, cold or heat. The only thing we won’t start out in is snow but if it starts once we are on the road.... we keep going, slower, but we keep going.

Is riding more dangerous now than before, no. We, the comfort and non riders of yester year know more riders than before. Those 4 or 6 guys might ride 10k miles all together in a season, the 100+ I know now will ride 10-12k miles each.

Hummm... what’s my point? Did I have one? Right now I’m not sure.

I will say this, if you are uncomfortable riding, for any reason. Stop.
If you are wigged out because a friend from Illinois was found dead along the road. Bike and body off in the grass found by chance by a jogger the next morning... Stop.
If the fact that a car swerving to go around another car turning right crosses the double yellow and sends another friend to the hospital in a coma eats at your stomach... Stop.
If knowing a drunk driver, semi unconscious can come up behind another acquaintance, strike his bike, knock him down, drag him a quarter of a mile under the pick-up truck killing him freaks you out... stop.

You’re gong to hurt yourself and maybe someone else. Maybe me.

From The National Press Club

A very eye opening 5 minute speach.

Click here

I'm Busy...

Still catching up from last week.

Did find this though, over at Jan's. Pretty much nailed me.
I don't quite get the picture though.

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The Rogers Indicator of Multiple Intelligences created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Visual/Spatial You probably feel at home with the visual arts, maps, charts, and diagrams. You tend to think in images and pictures. You learn best by looking at pictures and slides, watching videos or movies, and visualizing. People like you include sculptors, painters, surgeons and engineers. Visual/Spatial 82% Intrapersonal 79% Logical/Mathematical 71% Interpersonal 57% Verbal/Linguistic 54% Bodily/Kinesthetic 43% Musical/Rhythmic 32%

I Kill You!!!

Found this over at Kats.

I'll be back!! LOL!!!

Which Action Hero Would You Be? v. 2.0 created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as The Terminator The Terminator can be good or evil. It just depends on who's manipulating his circuits. When he's evil, he's a killing machine. When he's good, he's---well, a killing machine. He often comes back in time to protect certain human beings from other Terminators. He has no sense of stealth or subtlety and will do whatever it takes to accomplish his mission. He has a curious penchant for sunglasses and black leather.

Do You Drive??

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Yes? Go HERE and be educated.
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Suppliers and Competitors

What does it say for business or the future of a company when one of your major suppliers buys a major competitor?

See here...

Philips makes the lamps (light bulbs) we use in almost all of the lighting fixtures we manufacture. They also own Advance ballast. They make fluorescent and HID ballasts that we use. So, you see, they are one of our major suppliers.

From the news article, they now own a major competitor of ours.

2008 is quickly becoming a very interesting year

Is It Good To Be back...

It IS Monday!

Been out of the office since Friday the 16th.

188 e-mails, 136 posts in my RSS Reader
(wonder which I'll finish first...?)

Plus there is online Christmas shopping to do...

Hope you have a great Monday!!

UPDATE: 11:40 am
174 e-mials
95 posts
I better get to work...

Zen Summary VIII

Sneezing, I lost sight of the skylark. - Yayu

What saves a man to take a step. Then another step. It is always the same step, but you have to take it. - Antoine De Saint-Exupery

The wind is cold; through the torn paperscreen; the moon of October. - Sokan

There is something obscure which is complete before heaven and earth arose; tranquil, quiet standing alone without change, moving without peril. It could be the mother of everything. Not knowing its name, I call it Tao. - Lao-tsu

You are what you is. - Frank Zappa

You cannot avoid paradise. You can only avoid seeing it. - Charlotte Joko Beck

Zen is like looking for the spectacles that are sitting on your nose. - D. T. Suzuki

For studying Zen, one should have quiet quarters. Be moderate in food and drink. Cast aside all involvements and discontinue all affairs. Do not think of good or evil; do not deal with right or wrong. Do not intend to make yourself a Buddha, much less, be attached to sitting still. - Dogen

Last Saturday Catch-Up

OK, I'm lame. Last Friday was my last day at work and I've not been on the computer since Friday evening... so let me catch up a few things.

Last Saturday, the 17th, I did some Thanksgiving things. Wait... let me back up some more.

Last Thanksgiving (Nov 2006) I read this.

It has to be one of the most moving and profound things I have ever read. Jay at "Kill the Goat" is an incredible writer, she makes me laugh and think with each and every post she makes.

Anyway... After reading that last year I promised myself I would do more. I am blessed, we have plenty. I wanted to do more.

So, Saturday morning, this year, I met with some other volunteers at a food bank and delivered Thanksgiving dinners. I got to personally deliver to 6 elderly or poor families living around here. They were big ole banana boxes stuffed with apples, butter, rice, ham (canned) and 3 loafs of bread among many other things.

Hearing, "Oh, come on in. Aren't you a dear", made me smile. We were instructed to ask if they wanted us to place the boxes on a counter or table top. (there was no way they could lift these boxes). "Happy Thanksgiving" as I'd leave the homes. They were smiling form ear to ear and waving like one of their relatives was leaving after a visit.

I know, it was nothing major. But I did help in a small way. Going to do it again for Christmas.

That was from 0730 to 1000.

After that I went home and got the bike and headed to the south side of Indianapolis to meet some other PGR members. See, though a huge group of like mined individuals, we gathered several hundred Christmas stockings and 'goodies' to be sent to the troops. All together we stuffed (yes stuffed, the 'fixed price' boxes could barely be taped shut) 430 boxes to be be sent to our troops. We loaded them onto a trailer and shipped them out. The Indiana PGR paid the shipping.

It was a great morning!!!

I spent the reset of the day riding around southern Indiana. Guess I put about 250 miles on her Saturday, got home about 2200.

Posting for me is going to be hit or miss over the holiday, soooo if I don't talk... errrr read you before then, have a great Thanksgiving and please, thank a soldier.

Good Gawd, I Laughed My Ass Off

By now everyone has seen the "Achmed the Dead Terrorist" video, right?
If not, here it is...



When this first came around I went looking for a show around here. I cannot tell you how excited I was when I found that Jeff Dunham was coming to Indy. But, alas, the show was sold out, almost 4 weeks in advance. I more or less gave up, I'd like to go but I'm not paying scalper prices for tickets. THEN... Tuesday afternoon a guy at work says "I've got 2 that can't be used, they are $36 seats, I'll let you have the pair for $50." Shit, I took those tickets so fast...
Anyway, the wife wasn't interested, 'thing 2' wasn't interested... so me and my riding buddy, SpeedBump, went.

Oh man, my head hurts and my stomach hurts this morning. I laughed my fucking ass off!!! I laughed so hard I spent the whole 2 hour show wiping tears off my face.

Even if you have seen this video and watch his other videos on the net... the live performance is... fantastic.

Walter
Achmed the Dead Terrorist
Peanut
José the Jalapeño on a Stick
and
Bubba J

What a group!! If you get a chance, I highly recommend going to see this show.

Walter for President

Vote for DNR!!!

My first time trying a Haiku poem and I’m in the running!!

Go here to read the 10 finalists and if you are of a mind... vote.

The prize is a deluxe care package to a soldier of my choosing... Am I jinxing myself if I have one chosen already?? Hope not!!

Stuff...

Writing escapes me right now... how about a brain dump?

Our VP of sales was let go yesterday. “no need for you in our go forward plan” he was told... He’s a great guy. He will be missed. I wish him well

The holidays are fast approaching, last year I had no Christmas spirit. I don’t think we put up any decorations. Did a tree, our fake tree (YUCK!!) I hate fake trees but with cats and dogs, you have a fake tree or little piles of thrown up pine needles all around the house *urp* especially if you step in/on one heading to the bathroom in the middle of the night.

Thanks giving... makes me another year older. Not THE day (this year), close enough that it is every once in a while.

Diets suck. I hit 259 almost a month ago and can’t seem to get to 249. I need to exorcise more...

body clock is FUCKED up. Even if I get 3 hours of sleep on a work night I get a second wind about 9-10pm then I’m up then 1:30. If I get lots of sleep, heh, forgetaboutit, I might as while stay up all night.

Headache.... this is like the second or third day in a row with this killer head ache. Feels like it is in the top of my head. And there is a pressure that feels like my nose and eyes are going to explode. Sinuses, right?
Every time I get a headache, I think about that scene in “Kindergarten Cop” when some little kids say the teacher’s headache is a tumor and Schwartzniger says “It’s not a tumor” in that thick Austrian accent. Hahahahaha

Coffee, I need coffee.

I’ll work on a flash back post for ya. Later!

Zen Summary VII

Flowers in the summer, fires in the fall. - Zen Saying

The turnip farmer points the way with a turnip. - Issa

I embrace emerging experience. I participate in discovery. I am a butterfly. I am not a butterfly collector. - William Stafford

From the first not a thing is. - Hui-neng

Both the slayer and the slain are like a dewdrop and a flash of lightning - they are thus to be regarded. - Final verse uttered by a dying samurai

Doubt everything at least once, even the proposition that two times two equals four. - Georg Christoph Lichtenburg

Zen is really extraordinarily simple as long as one doesn’t try to be cute about it or beat around the bush. - Alan Watts

Why abandon a seat in your own home to wander in vain through dusty regions of another land? If you make one false step, you miss what is right before your eyes. - Dogen

Vetrans Day - Thank You

A busy weekend and no internet access Sunday leaves me posting this a day late.
Actually a re-post from last year, I still think it says what needs saying.

Thank you – for your service… for assuring my freedoms.

To The Retired Vets – Your service, sacrifice and grace to a country that did not honor you… I thank you and welcome home my friends. You did what your country asked, you did what you were told, it has been too long. Thank you and welcome home!!

To Those Currently In Service – It has been my honor to have met some of you. Brave hearts, honest minds, you have thanked me for seeing you home or seeing you off. I am in your debt, you are buying my freedom. And without thought to self you keep the fight from coming to our homes, on our land.

To All Veterans, home or in service, in a VA hospital or in a tank, holding your son/daughter/wife/husband or wishing you could – God Bless You, may he keep you safe and free from harm. Know that many of us here think of you often and keep you in our prayers.

Respect - DNR

Project Valor-IT

This post stays on top till November 11, 2007 - new stuff is below.

Project Valor - IT - The project to raise money for voice controled lap-tops for wounded (no longer can use their hands) service members.

This is my first year collecting so rather than try to explain it all my self, I'm going to copy (with permission) most of this post. (Thanks so much to Fbl)

Time for ruthless competition, endless inter-service snarkage, and constant meter-watching. Oh, and we raise some money for a good cause, too!

It's the 2007 Valour-IT Veterans Day Fundraising Competition, the yearly slugfest in which milbloggers and friends compete to see who can get to the fundraising goal first. Last year our merry band raised over $230,000 dollars. This year, need among the wounded hasn't changed, with as many as 100 laptops going out each month. But every year, the amazing bloggers who participated have exceeded Valour-IT's wildest hopes. Let's do it again!

Here's the who, what, where, when, why and how of the competition:

Who: Bloggers of any and all stripes who support the U.S. Military
What: Raising $240,000 ($60,000/team) for Project Valour-IT, the non-profit Soldiers' Angels program that helps supply voice-controlled and other adapted laptops to severely-wounded troops.
Where: Starting on the blogs, then spreading through your community and into major media
When: Monday, 29 October through Saturday, 11 November (Veterans Day)
Why: Because reconnecting the wounded with the world is a vital part of their recovery
How: Signing up for your favorite military branch, blogging, auctioning, emailing, and spreading the news

For more info, see the important competition websites listed below.

Team Leaders: Blackfive - Army, Chaotic Synaptic Activity - Navy/Coast Guard, Mudville Gazette - Air Force, SA Holly Aho - Marine Corps

Official Website: history and background on Valour-IT, official donation info
Bulletin Board: general competition info, tech help, team planning, announcements, etc.
Auction Site: donated items for sale
Project Blog: background, interesting links, daily donation tracking, public relations

So, what're ya waitin' for?! Need inspiration? Check my "Selected Valour-IT Posts" in the sidebar or click on the "Valour-IT" category further down.

Let's make this happen! There are wounded men and women out there who need us, and to whom we owe so much. Start helping them out with a donation (see button in the sidebar).

Gotta Love a Smartass

I got these today in an e-mail. I just had to share.

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It was mealtime during a flight on Hooters Airline.
"Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked John, seated in front.
"What are my choices?" John asked.
"Yes or no," she replied"
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A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat, she said,
"Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub."
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A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.
She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
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The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day", the cop said.
The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
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A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his Hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."
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A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"
A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."
This is a great one!!
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A blonde goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards. She says to the clerk, "May I have 50 Christmas stamps?" The clerk says, "What denomination?" The blonde says, "God help us. Has it come to this? Give me 6 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptists.
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A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment."
The husband replies, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect.
He never heard the shot....
OMG!!! This one had me rolling!!!

A Welcome Home

Sgt Brent Massey is home today. He will be here for 30 days. Then he returns... to Iraq. His fourth, yes FOURTH tour. He already has the Army Bronze Star. He IS a hero.

Sgt. Massey was awarded the "Army Bronze Star" medal for his actions taken on two missions in support of "Operation Iraqi Freedom". He led his soldiers on more than 60 missions. His expert ability to lead under fire was demonstrated on two separate missions in which his section was ambushed. His valorous actions and cool demeanor during these missions ensured the safety of his soldiers and led to the successful clearing and securing of the ambush sites.
He was also a vital asset in securing two highways that were used as supply routes by coalition forces rebuilding Iraq. His tireless efforts and outstanding operational stamina were key in keeping these highways open for coalition convoys and Iraqi civilians.

Last night, 2 PGR members met Sgt. Massey, his parents and a family friend (also a PGR member) at the airport. 3 bikes, 2 large flags and an escort from Indy’s west side to the east side. From comments I heard there, he was impressed... flattered.

Unknown to him or his parents, there were 8 more of us at his house. 4 more bikes and flags, the typical PGR style 3x4 flags. We lined the street for about 100 feet and waited.

Three bikes pulled in and a car... out jumped a Sergeant. Emotionally moved to just about run up and down our ranks and thank everyone of us with a firm hand shake and a hug. He thanks us.... It truly was our honor SIR (YES, I know you work for a living. See Softails post)

Indianapolis, there is a hero in town, a true, Bronze Star recipient war hero. God bless him and keep him safe. We will be there to escort him when he returns back to Iraq and again when he returns home.

Wedding Toasts

I’ve been involved or invited to more weddings in the last 6 months than any single year for over 20 years. Some friends were married over the summer and a buddy was best man at his dad’s wedding last month and I’m going to a wedding for a good friend this weekend.

The buddy that was best man at his dad wedding had to give a toast. I’m not the best man or anything this weekend but these events got me to thinking about toasts. I found a few that were really good. I’m sure there are others.

Got a good toast, I’d love to hear it. Here is what I’ve found so far...

· "May you always come more than you go."
· "May your love be a thousand miles long but come in six inch installments."
· "Here's to birthdays... they come only once a year! Aren't you glad you're not a birthday??"
· "Here's to the top, And here's to the middle. Let's hope tonight we all get a little."
· "I want to thank you all for coming, especially my parents, (X) years ago."
· "Here's to heat! Not the kind that ignites and burns down shanties, but the kind that excites and slides down panties!"
· "Here's to you, here's to me, together as friends we'll always be. And if we ever disagree, Fuck you, here's to me."
· "May your beer always be dry and your women always moist."
· "Here's to honor. To getting honor, keeping honor, and not getting off her 'til you get off honor."
· "Here's to honor — cause if you can't come in her, come on her! If you can’t come on her, fuck her!!
· "Here's to those we love the best, we love them best when they're undressed. We love them sitting, standing, lying; if they had wings we'd love them flying. And when they're dead, buried, forgotten- we'll dig them up and fuck them rotting!"
· "Here's to the lady in the white shoes: she'll steal all your money, she'll drink all your booze. She ain't got a cherry, but that ain't no sin, 'cuz she's still got the box that the cherry came in!"

My Halloween Party

Last years run in with little Johnny Clark form down the street was so much fun I decided to have a Halloween party this year. If you missed last years ‘fun’ you can go here and check it out.

My neighborhood Halloween party was nothing too fancy, just a bunch of folks that owed me a favor or have a mean streak and... Johnny’s parents.

Hahahah!!!

After last years fun they tried to sue me. Something about child endangerment... phft WTF!! My lawyer said they were lucky I didn’t shoot him. (fuck’n right, little bastard!!) Best part about the whole fiasco last year was when he took off running, he tripped off my porch and landed in the warm bag-o-crap he had placed on my door step. Had it all over his chest and arms. Fucker!!

Where was I... oh yeah, the Halloween party.

So, John and his wife Betty showed up in their costumes. Him a Pirate and her, a wench. (how original...) The rest of the gang was in grim reaper or fright night ghouls get ups. Nobody’s face was showing. Lots of long black robes and masked faces. A couple of us had black cheese cloth across our faces making us look like we had no face. Everyone was talking weird too, disguising our voices.

In the back, he had ‘volunteers’ sit in a chair, get blind folded and have their hands tied behind their backs. Then we would make them put their hands in cottage cheese telling them it was guts, macaroni noodles that had cooled and stuck together and told them it was brains... you know the typical gross stuff.

Guess who eventually wondered back into the gross out room....? Yeah, John and Betty Clark... BAWHAHA!!

“Hey look a couple” some one growls from the back of the room.
“Maybe they’ll do it together” someone else cackles.
“Yeah”, “Oooo yea”, “That’ll be great”, breaks form all corners of the room in shrieks and shriving voices that would curdle your blood.

With some reluctance and a little prodding, John and Betty take seats facing each other, get blind folded and their hands tied behind their backs. Heheh , as fast as you can blink, we ball gagged them and tied them to the chairs. O jeese, they freaked out!! Some of you have heard screams through a ball gag before, I know. I hadn’t, it’s actually quite entertaining!! HAHAHA Now before you go all PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Asshole neighbors) on me, they were candy ball gags. They would ‘eventually’ chew through them... eventually. BAWHahahah!!!

A couple of the bigger guys picked up the chairs and started carrying them around and out of the house. Down the street and into their back yard. See, while a dozen or so of us were ‘having the party’ another 4 or 5 were ‘decorating’ their back yard.

We put them down, facing each other with their knees touching and left them alone till they stopped screaming... then I said in a very scratchy voice, “sit still and I’ll cut you free”. Now, they hear the sound of a machete coming out of a metal sheath... They both winced. I screamed, like I was using all my strength to bring the blade down and chopped into a rotting pumpkin. ‘THUNK’ a really dull flat sound... At the same time they were sprayed in the face with pumpkin guts.

Oh GOD!! Betty passed out!!! John was... frozen, especially after Betty passed out and went silent on him. A few slaps on the face and she was screaming in hysterics. Before she woke up, I noticed John had... a wet spot on his pirate costume. Poor guy...

We untied them from the chairs and pulled their blind folds off and kinda shoved them around in a tight circle for a couple minutes making sure they were good and dizzy. One side parted and they were pushed out into a kiddy pool that was full of thick red jell’o and ballistic jell body parts. Arms, legs, heads, torsos with and with out heads. The back yards was covered in fog and pulsing strobe lights. Then a loud boom from a July 4th percussion bomb, the lights went out and silence. And we left. Both of them were still screaming like little girls. That was Wednesday evening. Nobody has seen them since that night.

There is a For Sale sign in their yard today...

BAWHAHahahahahahahaha!!!!!!