Friday, November 02, 2007

My Halloween Party

Last years run in with little Johnny Clark form down the street was so much fun I decided to have a Halloween party this year. If you missed last years ‘fun’ you can go here and check it out.

My neighborhood Halloween party was nothing too fancy, just a bunch of folks that owed me a favor or have a mean streak and... Johnny’s parents.


After last years fun they tried to sue me. Something about child endangerment... phft WTF!! My lawyer said they were lucky I didn’t shoot him. (fuck’n right, little bastard!!) Best part about the whole fiasco last year was when he took off running, he tripped off my porch and landed in the warm bag-o-crap he had placed on my door step. Had it all over his chest and arms. Fucker!!

Where was I... oh yeah, the Halloween party.

So, John and his wife Betty showed up in their costumes. Him a Pirate and her, a wench. (how original...) The rest of the gang was in grim reaper or fright night ghouls get ups. Nobody’s face was showing. Lots of long black robes and masked faces. A couple of us had black cheese cloth across our faces making us look like we had no face. Everyone was talking weird too, disguising our voices.

In the back, he had ‘volunteers’ sit in a chair, get blind folded and have their hands tied behind their backs. Then we would make them put their hands in cottage cheese telling them it was guts, macaroni noodles that had cooled and stuck together and told them it was brains... you know the typical gross stuff.

Guess who eventually wondered back into the gross out room....? Yeah, John and Betty Clark... BAWHAHA!!

“Hey look a couple” some one growls from the back of the room.
“Maybe they’ll do it together” someone else cackles.
“Yeah”, “Oooo yea”, “That’ll be great”, breaks form all corners of the room in shrieks and shriving voices that would curdle your blood.

With some reluctance and a little prodding, John and Betty take seats facing each other, get blind folded and their hands tied behind their backs. Heheh , as fast as you can blink, we ball gagged them and tied them to the chairs. O jeese, they freaked out!! Some of you have heard screams through a ball gag before, I know. I hadn’t, it’s actually quite entertaining!! HAHAHA Now before you go all PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Asshole neighbors) on me, they were candy ball gags. They would ‘eventually’ chew through them... eventually. BAWHahahah!!!

A couple of the bigger guys picked up the chairs and started carrying them around and out of the house. Down the street and into their back yard. See, while a dozen or so of us were ‘having the party’ another 4 or 5 were ‘decorating’ their back yard.

We put them down, facing each other with their knees touching and left them alone till they stopped screaming... then I said in a very scratchy voice, “sit still and I’ll cut you free”. Now, they hear the sound of a machete coming out of a metal sheath... They both winced. I screamed, like I was using all my strength to bring the blade down and chopped into a rotting pumpkin. ‘THUNK’ a really dull flat sound... At the same time they were sprayed in the face with pumpkin guts.

Oh GOD!! Betty passed out!!! John was... frozen, especially after Betty passed out and went silent on him. A few slaps on the face and she was screaming in hysterics. Before she woke up, I noticed John had... a wet spot on his pirate costume. Poor guy...

We untied them from the chairs and pulled their blind folds off and kinda shoved them around in a tight circle for a couple minutes making sure they were good and dizzy. One side parted and they were pushed out into a kiddy pool that was full of thick red jell’o and ballistic jell body parts. Arms, legs, heads, torsos with and with out heads. The back yards was covered in fog and pulsing strobe lights. Then a loud boom from a July 4th percussion bomb, the lights went out and silence. And we left. Both of them were still screaming like little girls. That was Wednesday evening. Nobody has seen them since that night.

There is a For Sale sign in their yard today...



Anonymous said...

Oh shit...a For Sale sign! ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Sounds like you guys did them in good.

I think I'm in love with you! :o)

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.... the fuckers got what they deserved!

Nancy said...


I shall remember you should I have need of "encouraging" a neighbor to move....

DNR said...

PP - HA hahahahaha!!

You 'love' me?!?!!! *raises eye brow*

Nancy - amazing what a group of like minded bikers can pull off when they try...

Kat said...

ROFLOL!!! Remind me to always stay on your GOOD SIDE, dude! too funny. :)